Consumerism Confessions
I have a confession to make. I do my grocery shopping at that behemoth discount super store, Super Wal-Mart. There are two grocery stores on the highway that I live off of, Bi-Lo which really should be called Bi-Hi. And Food Lion. ROAR! We sell mean food. Mean food sucks. Plus the poultry always has a brownish tint that begs for a stomach to host a mosh pit for Salmonella.
So I shop at Super Wal-Mart. My cereal of choice is only $3.68 at the behemoth whereas at other grocery markets, one box is pushing $5.00. Damn their low prices! And they even wrap the meat with the seal around the styrofoam instead of the cling wrap method that most meat departments use where you actually have to touch the meat to get it out of the packaging.
I hate Wal-Mart. There’s nothing super about it. Only idiots shop there. People dally, snail paced through the aisles, stopping their carts right in the middle so that no one can pass as they gape open mouthed at the abundance of discounted products, a puddle of drool forming at their feet. “I already have three doohickies, but it’s on sale!” I shop the way Jeff Gordon drives, my cart zooming down the aisle with my outstretched arm grabbing the items I need off the shelf and flinging them into the basket as I swerve in and out of stalled carts. Then I race to the checkout lanes where I have to wait thirty minutes to reach the conveyor belt that will eat up my purchases and spit them out in little white plastic bags. There are never enough registers open. If there were other suitable options, believe me people, I would gladly take one.
I know I’m probably writing myself a one way ticket to an afterlife in hell for supporting the big bad corporate monstrosity that is taking the world over, one small town at a time. Goodbye family owned neighborhood grocery.
Let the hate mail begin.
So I shop at Super Wal-Mart. My cereal of choice is only $3.68 at the behemoth whereas at other grocery markets, one box is pushing $5.00. Damn their low prices! And they even wrap the meat with the seal around the styrofoam instead of the cling wrap method that most meat departments use where you actually have to touch the meat to get it out of the packaging.
I hate Wal-Mart. There’s nothing super about it. Only idiots shop there. People dally, snail paced through the aisles, stopping their carts right in the middle so that no one can pass as they gape open mouthed at the abundance of discounted products, a puddle of drool forming at their feet. “I already have three doohickies, but it’s on sale!” I shop the way Jeff Gordon drives, my cart zooming down the aisle with my outstretched arm grabbing the items I need off the shelf and flinging them into the basket as I swerve in and out of stalled carts. Then I race to the checkout lanes where I have to wait thirty minutes to reach the conveyor belt that will eat up my purchases and spit them out in little white plastic bags. There are never enough registers open. If there were other suitable options, believe me people, I would gladly take one.
I know I’m probably writing myself a one way ticket to an afterlife in hell for supporting the big bad corporate monstrosity that is taking the world over, one small town at a time. Goodbye family owned neighborhood grocery.
Let the hate mail begin.
posted by schmims at 2:31 PM
5 Comments:
no fear, schmims-
when i was at Small Preppy School in VA, Death Star, inc. was the only game in town for any kind of shopping outside of groceries and beer. i spent literally of thousands of dollars there. hey, you make do with what you have.
I haven't shopped at Wal-Mart in 4 years! Poo poo on them. I do my grocery shopping at K Rogers.
"Touch the meat"?
That's all we had in college too. Of course the year after I graduate they get a Chick-fil-a, Target and Pier 1.
Target?!!?!
Bwahahahaha!
There won't be a Target in my college town until we're old enough to retire. They got a Ruby Tuesday out by the interstate two years ago and haven't stopped talking about it yet. When I was a freshman, the Waffle House was all of one week old. And the closest Chick Fil-A is 49 miles south.
We had KennyBurger and Spank's BBQ.
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